2005-03-29

I managed to lose my cell phone, and it�s been hell getting it replaced. It�s a company phone, and is insured and what not, however there was a little bit of drama involved through information services because they mistrusted my intentions, thinking that I had lost the phone in order to score a newer, better one. This is a trend in the company it seems. I mentioned that I�d be happy with the identical phone, in fact I would prefer it.

Although I totally would love to upgrade to a Nokia 7270 or a Razor. Except then there would be talk and dissension amongst the rank and file. And I can�t have that.

So, the new phone arrives and it�s some fugly piece of shit that I think can be purchased with credit for $29.95 at 7-11. Also, I think the technology that created the phone peaked at the same time of the Buffalo Stance. There was no color screen, and the default ring was that crap Nokia ring that you hear in the food court of the mall, usually as some 90 year old digs frantically in her bedazzled purse for it. It kind of took me back. And so I call IS and after being on hold forever, given my tech support number, and been hung up on, I get to a tech. I tell her that I have received a phone, and was this a loaner phone until my real one arrived? I�m being polite here, giving them an opportunity to let everyone get out of this mess with dignity intact. But I was told, no, that was the real one. 3 deep breaths and I explained that it didn�t match my old model number, that there was some kind of mistake. I was then told that this was the current model authorized for my position. 6 deep breaths. I then explained that this phone was not blue tooth compliant, and that it would not work with my headset. I reiterated my old phone model, saying that I wasn�t looking for an updated model, the old model worked great and that�s what I was expecting. I�m then told that the phone I received was the phone I was authorized for. So, I became shrill and told that uptight bitch that it weighed three pounds and was the size and dimension of my tape dispenser. The IS support person had no response to that. In fact there was probably 10 seconds of silence. Well, sort of silence. There was some mouth breathing on the line. After a bit there was a Hello? And I replied, I�m still here. More silence. Then, Can I help you with something? And it was just almost too much. So I thanked her politely, getting the another issue resolved email in my inbox that nearly set me over the edge. But a quick jaunt to Starbucks for a caramel mocha restored my spirits and so I called the phone service directly. And after 5 minutes of bland on hold music was talking with �Ronald� whose real named was most likely Vishney, but it didn�t matter because 3 minutes after being connected with Vishney I was told that I should receive my new phone in 3 business days and that I could return the offending model sulking on my credenza in the same box. And so I can leave work with a spring in my step and no massive ugly shitbox in my pocket.

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