2003-10-16

Well, I seem to find myself at home.

I had the most annoying plane flight as well. I was upgraded to first but had the bulkhead row so I couldn't have my bag under the seat in front of me. So they put it in the overhead compartment. Which I was fine with but it annoyed the hell out of the man next to me when I stood up to get it once the captain turned the seatbelt light off. He was a pretentious little twit. I should have kept getting up to go to the bathroom. Or slurped my vodka tonic. A plethora of revenge opportunities were at my disposal, and instead I just sat there with my eyes closed feigning sleep for the landing and taxi to the terminal.

Through the oddities of travel, Sister and Husband arrived via different carrier 20 minutes before I did, and father picked us all up. Their flight was uneventful, and without upgrade. A fact that Sister inwardly seethed about. Although both of us cashed in frequent flyer and reward points for this trip. Which is the reason for our separate but hardly equal carriers.

Tomorrow we are hosting a champagne brunch for a friend of the family at the homestead. She is getting married to a friend of Sister's who introduced them to each other while vacationing in Mexico. This is why I find myself at home. And with a series of mixed up feelings. I always feel guilty around my father. The un-surety of our relationship is one that both embarrasses and annoys me. I always tuck into the To Do list of technical projects that he has saved for me, while Sister goes through and gives the house a thorough cleaning, bad mouthing his cleaning service, who happens to be the husband of his secretary. He just accepts my distance and her nagging. But there are the very subtle things that he does that belay his exterior. The way he makes me coffee every morning. He usually buys a nicer blend of something. He seems almost to go out of his way to make it seem like he didn't make a big deal, but I can tell he did. "It's no Starbucks'" he'll mention. But it's better. He gets along much better with Sister's husband. They can share a cold one and discuss the world series games. Sister and I are too much like Mother I suppose.

He wants me to come back. To work with him. To build his business with him and allow a legacy that we have built together. And there are times that such a thought is very appealing. These days my resistance is weaker than normal, with me hating my job and my life in general. But in the end I will once again disappoint him by going back to California. Lucky for me, my visit is very short, just two days. Lucky for everyone in a way, as we might just break down and say what we are all really thinking. And then we'd find ourselves suddenly transported to an Oprah set or something. Not Springer, because none of us would through the chairs and things. And we are way to genteel to swear at each other. Even while angry. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe we should all move in and have our lives taped. To find out what happens when people stop being polite and start being real.

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