Vice Monkeys by 

SHAG

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2003-01-09

Paul Frank and the evils of diet Coke

It�s raining. And that has me irritable. Mainly because stormy weather is not conducive to the clothing that I had picked out to wear tomorrow. I have a new Paul Frank shirt that I wanted to wear with some jeans and my Steve Madden Shooters, but that won�t go with the rain, nor will the Maddens, as they are suede. In fact, when I got them, I was constantly telling people to don�t step on my blue suede shoes. I thought I was clever. No one else did. Small wonder. I do have alternates. Always have alternates. It�s wise. Escape routes, film choices, parents; Always have a backup. Anyway, I have a Diesel ensemble that I have yet to spring on the office, and it�s weather appropriate. Mainly because it matches my foul weather gear. I like to present a nice, well manicured picture, mostly to hide the seething hang ups that live inside. I judge, and thus fear judgment, so I prefer to meet my own standards, even if few people can.

Yes, it sounded that pretentious to me as well.

I had a very late dinner tonight. I was working on some things and suddenly realized it was past 8pm and I was starving. Almost literally. My sides hurt and my stomach was distended. Well, more so than normal. It was very strange. I am going to blame the diet Coke. It fools one, with its nasty initial sip that soon becomes an unquenchable lust for that aspartame sweetened, caramel colored natural flavor. I never used to drink the diet version of Coke, or any other soda. Maybe a diet Dr. Pepper (which tastes just like regular Dr Pepper!) if there was nothing left over in the fridge at work. And then only if it was that or switch the water bottle. (I work in an office, I don�t do manual labor.) But all it takes is one person. The enabler. It starts small, sharing at the theatre. Because it�s romantic. Then, that�s what they want in the fridge when they come by. That�s what they have in their own fridge when you go by. It wears one down. Gets under your guard that way. And the next thing you know, you�re at the Togo�s and it�s going in the cup before you even thought about it. That�s when you know it�s too late. The only comforting thought, is that no matter what else your freakish life might be like, you are never in want of diet Coke drinking friends. Unless you are a large person. In which case, I offer my condolences, because everyone is snickering at you behind your back. Especially when you jumbo size your fries.

Look at us, we're beautiful (0)

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Email Entry, Just for Laughs - 2006-01-25
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