2004-03-24

This morning, on my way to work, I hit a family of Lesbians.

Which is, by far, the coolest way to start an anecdote.

There was little damage to thier car, practically none to mine. I was not at fault. Well, technically. I could have avoided the accident but I was not paying attention, more intent on sipping my latte. I was in the freeway merge line, when the car in front of me started moving. I took my foot off the brake and reached down to get my latte, when a white blur was in front of me. Tap. I had hit the right rear door of a white Subaru Forrester with a German Shepard in the back and a Family Car bumper sticker. Out jumped the troll of a woman who had bypassed the long line waiting. Her jeans emphasized her pear shape in the most unflattering way possible. She was out of the car so fast that her mouse brown hair was flying about in all directions, kept out of her face by a pair of cheap sunglasses that bobbed with the string of expletives spewing from her mouth as the German Shepard barked and the child cried. I pulled my car over to the side of the road, so as not to delay further the queue behind me and stepped out. Her eyes narrowed, I'm sure she was thinking terrible thoughts about me in my Burberry Shirt and European Car. She got back into her car and moved onto the shoulder as well, and I inspected the damage to my bumper, which consisted entirely of paint and a scratch that would buff out. It was unfortunate, it was no doubt avoidable, and it was her fault. These facts could not penetrate her mind and she kept gesturing and yelling about my driving, and what a prick I was. I explained, that, the damage was superficial, it was all unfortunate, I think we can just get back in our cars and deal with our individual car problems. I was not going to make a claim with my insurance company, we should both just move on. This, it seems was unacceptable. Which she kept shouting. Until the highway patrol arrived. The patrolman looked at us: me; calm, collected her; agitated and yelling. He asked simple questions. I didn't stop in time. He didn't let me in. Where did this happen? Right here. Right here? Yes. You crossed a solid white line. He then issued a citation and made us exchange information. I told him I wasn't interested in taking it anywhere but aparantly that is not an option as far as these things go. So, she got a ticket. The child was comforted, the dog continued to bark. And I've made enemies in the Lesbian community.

And can say, I hit a family of Lesbians on my way to work today.

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